"My Call Story" by Leslie Scanlon 5th Sunday of Easter April 20, 2008

This is the Call Story of Leslie Scanlon, delivered at St. Stephen on April 20, 2008. Leslie is a Senior at the College of William and Mary, and will enter the Lutheran Theological Seminary at Philadelphia this fall. The lessons for this Sunday were Acts 7:55-60; 1 Peter 2:2-10; John 14:1-14.

This morning’s readings do not explicitly talk about our baptismal call, discernment process, or spiritual gifts. However, they each provide guidance about how to discern how God wants us to use our spiritual gifts to do his will and fulfill our baptismal call.

The reading from Acts describes Stephen’s martyrdom, but it is also an important part of his call story. Earlier in the sixth chapter of Acts, the disciples choose Stephen to help distribute food to widows, or as Virginia Synod Assistant to the Bishop, Dave Delaney, referred to it as a biblical form of “meals on wheels.” However we never hear about Stephen actually doing this ministry, instead Acts focuses on him doing God’s work as a teacher, prophet, and eventually even as a martyr. Stephen is a perfect example that our call from God does not always lead us to where we thought we were going to end up and doing what we imagined. I am no exception to this; my idea of what I was going to be when I grew up was very different from what God had in mind for me.

It is reassuring to be reminded that picking the right path is not all up to me. God is there, working through others and talking to us in prayer about what gifts he has given us and how we can use them to do his will. As the third verse of Psalm 31 says: “You are indeed my rock and my fortress; for your names sake lead me and guide me.”

Such external affirmations have been so important to my discernment process. Early in high school, people started telling me that they thought I should be a pastor. But, I simply attributed the comments to the fact that people thought every active teenage youth was going to end up a pastor. However, eventually I started to listen to God in those comments, and heard not just a career idea, but in them I also heard a list of my spiritual gifts and a possible vocation.

I started at William & Mary with the intent of being a biology major who would go to medical school to become a pediatrician. But I had made that decision for myself, so I really should not be surprised that I was so wrong. Before Christmas break of freshman year, I had changed my mind, and chemistry was the new plan. One-year later, medical school was out of the picture too. At that point, I simply picked the first career path that sounded interesting, so that I would have a four-year plan, which is something I have always felt I had to have. My heart was never really in it though.

The second semester of sophomore year was about the time that I first heard language about discerning a call from God. It took me awhile to warm up to the idea of throwing out my plan and simply listening to God. Offering myself up to God in such a vulnerable state was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but once I did it, the feeling was amazing. I headed to Caroline Furnace Lutheran camp to work as a counselor that summer wandering in darkness, but with the help of the staff, campers, the experience of such a strong intentional Christian community, and of course God’s guidance, I left with some direction.

Throughout my junior year, I prayed and talked with others about the call I was feeling to ordained ministry. Although my sense of call to be a pastor was strong, I doubted whether I had the abilities necessary to be a good pastor. So the following summer I did not return to camp, even though I really wanted to. Instead, I did a Project Connect immersion at Faith Lutheran Church in Suffolk. I had the opportunity to experience what a pastor actually does during the week and participate in the whole life of the church. My supervisor took me to visit congregation members in the hospital, in nursing homes, and even in jail. I had the chance to help with almost every aspect of worship from being a communion assistant, to singing with the praise team, to doing the children’s sermon every Sunday. Project Connect allowed me to experience things that I would normally not have had the opportunity to experience until my third year of Seminary. Having people immediately open up to me and come to me for spiritual conversations and guidance just because I was sitting next to someone that had a clerical collar on was overwhelming at times, but a good overwhelming. It was a true expression of what God wants for us: a world where we all love each other unconditionally.

Not only did my immersion last summer give me wonderful, priceless experiences, but it also taught me a lot about my weaknesses and strengths. I had previously worried that I was not emotionally strong enough to support others in the midst of tragic situations. My first hand experience reminded me that emotions are natural and therefore acceptable if not helpful when in a supporting role. As a pastor, people will not expect me to be an unemotional rock, but instead an empathetic supporter.

As soon as I told my family and friends that I was going to be a pastor, they started standing up a little straighter and watching their language even though I had not changed those things about myself, just my life plan. Something I did not expect was to get that same response from the youth at Faith. Multiple times during the summer when looking through the cds in my car, a youth would say “I didn’t know you listened to good music!” It was evident that the youth, like my friends, believed that pastors had to be perfect, and were somehow not real people. From my time spent with various pastors over the years and the people that I have read about God using to do his will in the bible, I have figured out that God does not only use “perfect” people. I no longer worry about having to become a perfect person before I can be a pastor.

Throughout the summer, I truly felt that God was working through me. I had “come to him” (like 1 Peter says) and I had “let [myself] be built into a spiritual house” so that I could “proclaim the mighty acts of him who called [me] out of darkness into his marvelous light.” The summer was absolutely affirming of my call to enter into ordained ministry, so in August I attended Virginia Synod’s Vocations Conference and started the candidacy process. After many essays, applications, interviews, and conversations with Pastor Ballentine -- where he repeatedly reminded to stop stressing like a William & Mary student and breathe! -- I am ready to start at the Lutheran Theological Seminary at Philadelphia this fall with the intent of being ordained and serving as a parish pastor in the ELCA. (Of course I return to camp for one more summer first.)

Although discernment is a personal journey, it is not an isolated process. External affirmations of gifts and conversations about call are as important as the internal ones between just you and God. If it were not for people telling me that I should think about seminary, filling out the infamous green “gifted for ministry” cards at synod youth events, and the opportunities through Project Connect, Caroline Furnace, and the Virginia Synod, I might still be a biology major waiting to hear back from medical schools, getting ready to start a life that my heart is not 100% committed to. Like the Gospel of John says, Jesus is truly “the way, and the truth, and the life.”